successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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