Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize