He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
