She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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