Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
