and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
