So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
