i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
