ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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