You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
another moral hangover. fuck.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
