When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Randomize
