were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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