i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
