i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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