I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
