btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
