dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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