That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
