Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
