Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
