It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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