Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
