I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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