Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
