Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
