These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
