I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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