I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
