Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
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She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
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I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize