i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
