I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
