He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
