i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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