my room smells like sperm. sweet.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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