Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
