I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
