i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Couch. On fire.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
