remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
