He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
