woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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