I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
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