Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
