why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
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So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
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Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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