I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
