foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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