capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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