the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
