Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
