This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
