I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
