She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
