Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
