he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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