Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
