another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
