somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Apparently you make a good broom.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
