i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
there's paper in my vomit.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
and she was petting her beer can
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
