so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
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