She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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