yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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