I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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